Thursday, October 27, 2005


Life is so busy right now. When things get so busy, it feels that life gets pushed to the side, and I would so much rather be real about living, rather than rushing and doing. That's the way things are now.

I'm not resigned to that. I am so frustrated about being so busy. Lately I have had weeks where I go from loving what I do, and feeling the exhileration of what I do and what I get to be a part of, to contemplating quitting my job and working in a chicken factory (see part 2...). I feel like I can't keep going with this weight on me. I go from being bitter about it to just crying because I have to get it out. Doing things doesn't seem to make it better, because there is always more to do. Just when I think I have a handle on things, I'm missing something. I have all my lesson plans done, and then someone wants to know whether their child consistently, often, sometimes or rarely grasps concepts in well in groups...performs computation with order of operations... Just when I've graded the math test, someone wants the homework for the next five days. Just when I've answered all my emails, I still haven't read that chapter for tomorrow, much less had a personal devotion time, set up that meeting with a friend, cleaned my room, gone grocery shopping...

I don't mean for this to become a to-do list, but sometimes I just need to throw it all off and do what I feel needs to be done, so I'm going to have coffee with a friend tonight, even though those Lewis and Clark journals will sit ungraded for another night. (and I sit here philosophizing)

I know that it is a question of balancing my priorities. And I know with words that God has filled my plate with these things and that he will give me what I need to do all of it. But I don't feel that way, not most of the time.

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