Wednesday, September 21, 2011

It's hard for me to believe that each day brings me closer to meeting this little one. But it is true. I remind myself this often, so as to make me believe it more.

For the past several weeks, I have had so many conversations about labor and delivery. I feel like I know at least one birthing story from every mother in my community.

And really I've been enjoying learning lots, and since this whole pregnancy and becoming a mom thing is rather consuming, I'm glad to talk about it with others. I've certainly gotten a lot of advice and opinions, and while I haven't cared for all of it, I've really loved some people's perspectives, so I'll take the occasional bad egg with the good.

But the truth is, I feel like I can't take this much longer. I just this evening realized I have this feeling that everyone is waiting for me. Waiting for me to go into labor. Expecting me to do something. I don't like feeling that people expect something of me. Or feeling that I'm disappointing them, as if I had any control over its timing. I don't. They know I don't. But still I feel that people are waiting for me to do something.

I realize they are expecting the inevitable. And I know that I will have this baby. I realize that I will be heading to Podoli with the expectation of coming home with our little one, on one of these days...within the next four weeks. But I realize it in the way that I realize that Jesus could return on any day. I mean to say, I can imagine it happening, I believe it will happen. But the truth is, I can't wrap my head around it actually happening. And since the timing is so uncertain, it's hard to really believe it will finally happen.

Which is why I remind myself often that each day is bringing me closer. So hopefully soon I'll believe; and then, it will happen.

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